Constructing confidence.

As I sit here, I wonder if I should even begin to write.

As I sit, I contemplate art, specifically, the interpretation of art.  I think about my day.  I ponder.

And I wonder why I ponder.  Layer after layer, thought builds upon thought, deconstructing previous thought to allow for its creation.  Each moment builds upon itself, lends itself into this new moment, leaving a fingerprint of meaning as it passes.  At this moment, I ponder:  if there is any sort of absolute, all-encompassing constructed "reality," what would it look like?  What would it feel like?  Taste like?  Would it even look, taste, or feel?  I couldn't imagine.  I don't know.

Today, Dennia, the new, and absolutely amazing server Big Boy recently hired, told me she thought I was self-confident. 

I didn't know what to say.

For the first time in a long time, I actually thought I might just be.

Today is ma birfday!

Today, I turned twenty years old.

20.

I've been out of high school for two years.  And those years have felt like lifetimes.  My priorities have shifted, and I'm an entirely different person.  On top of that, I feel as though I'm finally breaking through some of my depression.  It's a rather strange feeling, seeing as I've been depressed pretty much all of my life.

It's a strange feeling, but I almost think I'm becoming an adult.  I've been living in my own apartment for 2 months as of today, and I only owe my parents a little more money than I'd like to admit to.

But today comes with an even stranger realization.  When I was between 14 or 16 years old, I had a startling and life-changing realization:  Every single person on earth looks like and acts a lot like a monkey.

Today, I realized something profound and interesting:  I, too, look a lot like a monkey.